so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
