And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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