You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
