STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Someone came in the potted fern
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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