i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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