my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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