I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
