we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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