you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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