Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
