So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Text me some of your sweat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
