She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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