I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
