woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
