I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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