dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
