i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize