just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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