Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
