I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
