Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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