Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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