I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
