You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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