Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
