i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
