My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
