I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
