So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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