Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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