she woke up with a sticky ear
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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