found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
