I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
