I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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