I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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