party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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