sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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