You're completely useless in the revolution.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
