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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Such a big mess for such a small penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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