dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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