I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
