i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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