It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
