five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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