Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
