I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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