Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize