she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk is a universal language darling
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
