so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
