Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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