We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
