i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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