Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
