that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
