oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
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