Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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