Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
