I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
