Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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