I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
