Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
