So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
