I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
