I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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