dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
