i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
