I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize