Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
