I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
