Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
