but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
