craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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